Reflection - John 16:33

related: advent-john-16-33

I re-read my advent reflection and by God's grace I was in a different frame of mind then. The loss of mindset is certainly on me and me alone for letting things of the world crush me so much lately. The affliction Jesus mentions in John I don't think is the affliction I currently feel over work and chaotic circumstances. It feels so silly to even put my stupid computer job in the same thought as Jesus talking about his victory over the grave but at the same time perhaps there's pastoral wisdom to challenge that thought... why isn't the stress and anxiety I feel over anything in my life exactly what Jesus is referring to?

Sure, the immediate context is his crucifixion and Peter's denial of him. But as I drop my thoughts into this magic computer box, what's so different about me? Right now the thing that I can't get away from is work, and it's not even a volume thing it's just a constant stressful unknown - I could list off all the reasons but do they matter? I think they matter in-so-far as I am dealing with them, but ultimately work is just a job and even in light of doing objectively good things for the world nothing is so good as what Jesus has done for me. So the specifics of the stress of my work just cannot be the thing to focus on - every moment that I'm more torn up about lack of requirements, or a deadline, or something I don't understand is a moment where I'm giving up myself to another master and that is nothing but idolotry... I do not worship my work, I don't ascribe a ton of worth to the things I do for Caterpillar, but I certainly give myself over to constant fretting over it, and I struggle to do some of my work in a meaningful way. Honestly, the affliction in my life today feels very self-inflicted and if I can make the choice to give myself over to the stress of my job, in a reality where Jesus has saved me from everything, why do I not make the choice to give myself over to him? He has made it so clear that victory over the world is his and his to give and share with his people.

This post is almost just a hope that Jesus guides my thoughts into this digital paper for my own benefit, for my own affirmation of his victory of the world, and that the stress of my job is included in the world he's victorious over.

I find that in seasons of my life where there isn't a super active regular consistent ball of stress sitting in my chest, that it's easy to think about when I used to be stressed and to say "praise God for bringing me through that" or to look back on it with perspective and think "it wasn't so bad as I thought and Jesus sustained me"... and no doubt about it, Jesus is the only one sustaining me now, but if I ever come back to this post let me not undersell the anxiety I've felt plaguing me. And in not-underselling it may Jesus' victory be even greater in my heart, and when the Day Of The Lord arrives, I pray it's at that moment I can echo Paul and say that every trial pales in comparison to the glory of my king. Because on earth today, I want to recognize that truth, but I'd be lying if I said the anxiety in my chest pales in comparison to anything I have experienced - it feels very real, very heavy, very authoritative. And in this moment what I have is trust, by God's grace - faith, in Jesus' victory, but this is a conscious affirmation, it's not one I feel escaping from me but rather one I am forcing myself out into the open out of respect for the objective reality that is bigger than me. I know in my head that Jesus is victorious, and I know he has kept and will keep my heart. Today though I feel the internal battle over it, a war within, and I need Jesus to help me make the right choices today and not just look forward to being on the other side of a hard time later.